8th – 12th August
Day 1
Got up stupidly early, and I mean far too early. I think it was around 4am, actually it might have been earlier than that, I think we might have actually left the house at 4am. I forget exactly as my brain has tried to block it out, all I’m sure of is it was a traumatic event for me.
The four of us (me, Amy, Helen and Dave) headed down to Dover in the car, tired but excited and fuelled up on energy drinks. The sun rose half way through the journey that much I remember. We boarded the ferry and were the 3rd people on the boat which was good, we got good seats at the front!
Cliffs of Dover
Finally arrived in France to the smell of what can only be described as poo, and lots of it. Luckily we jumped in the car and headed away. We didn’t get far though, we became accustomed to a French sign – the infamous diversion sign!! We must have travelled in circles for honestly an hour or more, it completely sucked but Amy was getting good practise at driving. We also took a wrong turn which cost us a 20 KM out of the way trip and some tolls for good measure.
Got some shopping in when we finally got to the super market and Dave made a phone call to a camp site near the sea. His English was amazing, the way he asked if they had any room and the cost was awesome 
Turned up at the camp site and it was alright, we got our pitch and put our tent up which nearly blew away at one point. We took a walk to the cliffs by the sea, saw some horses along the way, took in the sights and headed back.
Bales of Hay
We got our drinking on early, and with Sangria and Desperado’s, all was good until we started banging each others bottles to make them fizz. Around 7pm I threw up some bubbles and ham – a new achievement for me and in record time too. Helen nearly did as well, making the worst sound ever as she crawled out the tent. It’s hard to describe the sound, but imagine coughing really loud and at the same time farting and burping. I swear if you recorded the noise she made, ran it back in reverse, there would have been a hidden message from Satan!
Dave and I decided to leave the girls and head out to the local bar. It soon became apparent that was a mistake and headed back a short while later.
Day 2
Got up surprisingly early considering what went on the night before. Packed our tent up and ate some kind of sausages, the ones you boil. Nothing else with them, just sausages. We left, and to be honest I think if we hadn’t of, we may have been asked to. Helen was to wasps what a can of Tennents lager first thing in the morning is to an alcoholic. This thing seriously wouldn’t leave her alone for about 30 minutes.
Headed out through the country side, stopping off for more food (which became a theme throughout the holiday). At some point through the day I’m fairly sure Helen was attacked by a wasp again. We ended up finding a random camp site by chance, and found a pitch away from everyone else. Bought some local home made Cider. I think the French call Cider by another name out there because this stuff was not Cider, it was many things all rolled into a disgusting liquid, but it was not Cider.
I wandered off and made friends (I think) with a farmers wife who didn’t want her photo taken but I had ninja reflexes.
Farmer's wife
We headed down to the local village in search for some food. There were several restaurants there but nothing in that village was open that night. The Abbey bells chimed and literally there was nobody on the streets. We made a hasty retreat back to the camp and headed out in search for food. Found an awesome place in the middle of nowhere with great food!
We got our drinks on again pretty early this time without incident.
Day 3
Mont Saint-Michel
The aim for the day was to head down the coast and along until we made it to Mont Saint-Michel. It was a pretty hefty drive made worse by a LOT of other people thinking of visiting the same place. We were stuck in traffic for a very long time and queues were horrible and the place was packed. Awesome once we got there but a bit too busy to really enjoy it.
Dave and I decided to order what I thought was Fish and Chips figuring it would be nice and fresh. Turned out to be Muscles, not fish… I didn’t mind, not sure Dave was too happy about it. The girls got Crepe’s and wished they hadn’t either. We headed off for a tour, but there was only so long this guide could talk (in French) about a 9-point lock system on a jewellery chest before we made a break for it and escaped.
Headed back, got a Frisbee along the way and basically did what we did best, and got our drink on once more.
Day 4
Amy’s birthday!!! We’d put the tent up the day before Dave and I all by ourselves, the deal was we put up, the girls take it down. Didn’t work out that way… The weather started off alright as we all packed up our tent and moved out. In my best French I gave the 2nd bottle of cider back to the guy who owned the site. He seemed shocked and I’m still not sure whether that was because it hadn’t been drunk, or that we’d survived drinking it. One of the wheels on Amy’s car didn’t sound too healthy so we jacked it up and gave it our “haven’t got a clue” seal of approval and moved on.
We found what appeared to be a pretty good and cheap camp site. Paid the man and went around to find a pitch. Found more than a pitch, we found dog turds and plenty of them. I went back and in my best French got a refund. Had to make up some story about Helen getting bitten by a dog. Shame my French wasn’t as good as it could have been because the guy thought she’d just been attacked. Anyway I got the money and we drove off. The weather was now getting pretty bad, Amy wanted to camp but it was looking like a full on storm. We travelled around aimlessly for a while trying to find the nearest B&B and ended up lucking out in a 4 star hotel in a penthouse suite! Cracked open the bubbly over the bed and floor (oops), got a little pissed due to another of Dave’s cracking drinking games, made an arse of myself and crashed out in bed.
Day 5
It was all about heading back to Calais and getting souvenirs and food. It had been a great trip, even though it wasn’t planned apart from the heading to France bit it worked out really well.
I think we all enjoyed it and we’ll probably head there again as a group, this time maybe we’ll stay in a Vila instead…
